Two NFL coaches who could not amicably shake hands after a close game made headlines recently. Jim Harbaugh is the coach of the San Francisco 49ers and Jim Schwartz is the coach of the Detroit Lions and their two teams played each other in a close game that finished in pretty dramatic fashion, ending the Lion’s perfect season. Harbaugh is seen on camera right after the game ended, shouting and jumping, celebrating a win for his team.
Moments later, the two head coaches met in the middle of the field to shake hands, but Harbaugh, caught up in the exuberant moment, shook Schwartz’s hand really hard and patted him on the back with the force of a mule kick. The Detroit coach took exception and the two got into a heated argument before being separated.
As I watched, I thought about Emerson Eggerich and his book, Love and Respect. I usually don’t think of marriage books during NFL games, but I was tired and had eaten a spicy chicken sandwich for lunch. In his book, my friend talks about the greatest need for men is respect and the greatest need for women is love. When Harbaugh broke post-game protocol with the rough handshake and shove, it was a sign of disrespect, whether that was his intention or not.
Disrespect is many times dangerous and often lethal. There are many men in prison today who committed awful crimes simply because someone did something that dishonored them or made them look bad in front of others. Disrespect is the gateway to some of the worst possible emotions locked up in a man.
I am writing this as a reminder to myself to make sure I honor and respect the men God has called me to pastor. What can I do to show more respect to our men and thereby earn the right to help shape them into better Christ followers?
1. Ask for their advice. Nothing shows more respect than asking someone for their opinion on important matters.
2. Listen to what they say. Asking for their advice is no good if we never actually use it. Men can smell patronization quicker than their own dirty socks.
3. Empower them to lead. Men want to know that pastors trust them with serious spiritual leadership and not just see them as a walking checkbook or potential volunteer.
4. Go to their world. Show up at their business to visit and talk as much as you want them to show up at the church buildings. Hang out and ask questions about what’s important to them.
5. Talk to them every Sunday and not just on Father’s Day. Use sermon language that is engaging to them and relevant to their world. Let them know you see them and believe in what God is doing in them.
Men are hungry for God and for the most part, want to grow as Christ followers. They just need a little honor to move them off the starting line. It’s not more complicated than that and I mean that with all due respect.
October 18, 2011 at 6:33 am
Great post- certainly the popular ‘Love & Respect’ message is valuable. However, it has almost taken on a life of it’s own. I regulalry talk with husbands who blame almost every problem on “lack of respect” from their wife; rather than taking respponsibility for their part in marrige problems (E.g. selfishness, hardness of heart, & lack of loving and respecting their wife).
I do not view ‘Love & Respect’ as gender specific. In fact, isn’t the quality of a person’s love the true measure of maturity and Christ-likeness in both men and women? (1 Cor.13)
October 18, 2011 at 8:23 am
Hi Pastor Brady, I agree with your post, and the gender specific needs…..however in saying that, and because the Word of God tells us we know that Love is supreme, To Love The Lord Our God first and our neighbors as ourselves our the greatest commandments….The respect I showed Dean in our marriage was often based on his role, position, but the love we shared was truly the burning flame of Yahweh between us than no waters, fire, or even death could extinguish…..The only thing that remains between Dean and myself is Love itself…..but truly the greatest of all, that which manifest itself in perfection as we lay down our lives one for another. All else has passed away…what remains is love….thankyou for your incredible leadership, and your messages…..We are a blessed people here at NLC to have shepherds hearkening the voice of God on behalf of HIs people….blessings…
October 21, 2011 at 12:06 pm
Happy Pastor’s Appreciation Month! I have listened to you by podcast for a couple years now and am certainly thankful to God for your faithfulness to your church and your ministry–even those of us who have never set foot in your church!
October 24, 2011 at 11:29 am
Thank you for this post. Very uplifting and useful. Take care.